If You Ever Come Back
by KisstheRain14
Summary: But mostly, she dreams that everything is back to the way it was before, with her Blackberry constantly vibrating and his smirk never far away. / Tony didn't just leave a company behind when he disappeared, you know. He left Pepper, too. And maybe that's why his absence is so important: because it shakes the one woman who is always perfectly put together. IM 1


_Takes place in IM 1, when Tony is being held in Afghanistan and Pepper is all alone._

_Lyrics from "If You Ever Come Back" by The Script. I heard it on the radio the other day and thought some lines were perfect for this situation._

* * *

**everything's the way that you left it**

**i still haven't slept yet**

Her bare feet make almost no noise as she pads down to the workshop, quickly entering her code and pulling the door open. The familiar smell of gasoline, metal, and cold air assaults her nose, accompanied with the newer tang of dust.

It is three thirty in the morning, and Pepper has not slept for over twenty hours.

She tells herself that she's only sleeping over at the mansion because her office materials are all here, because it's less hassle to commute from her townhouse, because this is where everyone knows to find her. At least, this is what she tells herself when the sun is up and her suit is on, heels clicking away on cold marble floors.

Now, however, with the moon staring down at her and an eerily quiet house pressing in on her from all sides, she curls up on the couch in the corner, wraps an old blanket around her shoulders, and leans against a pillow that smells like scotch and cologne.

Her eyes stay open.

* * *

**still setting two plates on the counter**

**but eating without you**

She knows exactly what he'd say if he saw her lunch right now: "Dear Lord, Potts, what is that disgusting green mess in front of you? C'mon, I'll take you to Chinese. My treat, so don't worry about it. _C'mon_, we don't have all day and I _swear_ I just saw that piece of lettuce move."

She spears a romaine heart on the end of her fork, stares at it, then pushes the entire meal away, picking up her cell phone and dialing the familiar takeout number.

* * *

**and i wish you could still give me a hard time**

**and i wish i could still wish it was over**

God, but what a pain in the ass Anthony Stark could be. It was always "I'm not going to that benefit" or "I think I accidentally brought two girls home last night" or "Hey Potts, have your legs always been that long or are your skirts just getting shorter?"

Pepper can still remember the first few months she'd spent on the job, when every other thought was, "I should quit now, while I still have the chance." She never did, whether from curiosity, stupidity, or just plain tenacity.

Either way, she'd never realized how integral Tony's fusses were to her everyday life until all of a sudden, they were gone.

* * *

**there'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat **

**if you ever come back**

During the few hours of rest Pepper manages to wrestle from her constantly whirring mind, she dreams. She dreams in vivid colors and disjointed time gaps, churning the past, present, and what may very well be the future all together in the glorious space of maybe thirty minutes.

She dreams that Tony's back, battered and quiet as he steps off a plane into the sunlight. She dreams that she's still the new PA and he's still blatantly checking her out (as opposed to now, when he does so less openly). She dreams that he's here, next to her, exuding heat and confidence and the smell of engine oil. But mostly, she dreams that everything is back to the way it was before, with her Blackberry constantly vibrating and his smirk never far away.

* * *

**now they say i'm wasting my time**

**because you're never coming home**

JARVIS silently pulls up a CNN report that details exactly how slim the chances are of Tony having survived this long. Pepper grits her teeth and reminds herself that it's her fault for setting an alert for every news article that mentions him.

Obadiah drops by a few days later and gently tries to nudge her into naming a new CEO. Pepper resolutely shakes her head and ushers him out the door with a reproachful look at his receding figure.

Stocks plunge with every passing day and sometimes Pepper feels like she's the only believer left in the world.

Then she realizes that she probably is, so she pulls on an oversize t-shirt, makes a mug of tea, and stares at the rain as it pours.

* * *

**if it's the fighting you remember or the little things you miss**

**i know you're out there somewhere so just remember this**

A totally unexpected emotion that she often feels is one of guilt. What if she had been too hard on him? He'd never really gotten angry with her, but he'd been plenty annoyed. Sure, it was her job to get him places and make him do things, but was she colder than she should have been? More impersonal than she could have been?

Maybe she just regrets not getting closer to Tony before he disappeared.

Their arguments had been different though, not just working to reach a conclusion but also a test, a way of stretching each other's boundaries and figuring out what made them tick, what made them work together and alienate each other at the same time. Who were they, really, and who were they when they were together?

Whatever it was, it was a dynamic, and she misses it.

She misses it a lot.

* * *

**there'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on**

**and it'll be just like you were never gone**

It's nearing four in the morning when Pepper's Blackberry rings, the personalized ringtone telling her that Rhodey's calling.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Pepper. Sorry - did I wake you?"

"No," she says, not bothering to mention her general lack of sleep these days. "Why, what's up?"

"You're going to have to get to the base as soon as you can," he says, his usually calm voice wavering.

There's a little leap of hope in her chest that she tries desperately to ignore. "Why? What happened, Jim?"

"We - " But then there's the crackle of static that means that the phone has changed hands, and then suddenly a new voice fills the line.

"Potts?"

She blinks, fingers tightening on her phone. _"Tony."_

"Hi." And then her brain catches up to her ears and she wants to punch him, make him hurt as much as she had hurt for the past few months, make him understand what she'd gone through. But at the same time she just wants to see him, touch him, make sure that he's actually back. She wants to hold him and tell him everything she never did.

For now though, she settles on a shaky breath and a quiet laugh. "You're back."

"I am. And I expect to see you as soon as possible. I've missed those legs."

Pepper is glad for the flirting, even if his voice is deader than it used to be. "Shall I bring coffee, Mr. Stark?"

"Yeah, that'd be good. The java at this joint is shit. Oh, and don't forget the shot of - "

"The shot of espresso, yes. I remember." God, she remembered.

"Thanks." There's a heavy pause. "I missed _you,_ Potts, not just your legs."

She smiles. "I know. I'll see you soon, Tony."

And as she hangs up, she thinks that maybe that's all she needs to say.

**and it will be just like you were never gone**

**and it will be just like you were never gone**


End file.
